7 billion, or whatever we’re up to, is a huge number. It’s bigger than I can conceptualize.
I spend a good amount of time (probably the nature of most poets, especially those who are as fascinated by the concept of love as I am) thinking about questions at least related to yours… who is for who? I am for her, she is for we? Etc.
Logistically, I accept that I might not ever understand the mechanisms by which we are brought into and out of each other’s lives. I’m struggling enough just to know when to talk less, when to kiss more, when to back up, and how to do all of those things without descending into the game playing that happens (unfortunately, sometimes) while we try to make ourselves fit in and around someone else’s life and/or body.
But these are the questions that life is about right?
Are our souls made in two’s? Are we born to live a life of which the point is that we walk the earth until we find each other again?
What is it about her, specifically, that makes me willing to dive, so quickly, into crazy?
It’s a lot.
There is a random element to this “separation” that makes it difficult for me to buy into, or wait for. What if my soul mate lived in Laos, or rural and decrepit Cambodia? What if she died already of malnutrition? I’d like to think my soul mate would support a free Tibet… What if she died trying to protect a monastery? Am I just out of luck until the next go round, even though I love my martyr more now than I knew I could?
Is this whole system such that it was designed by a God who lives and directs from above or below us? Has He/She/it chosen someone who is “best” for us. That said deity has chosen us for each other would seem to mean that we have been given the opportunity to cross paths and recognize our futures in the freckles on her face, or the warmth behind his eyes. That the trials and tribulations that we all walk through are not only so that we might learn to live towards a salvation after life, but that we might find our salve here on earth, too, in her(him). That’s comforting… I guess…
I don’t know.
I believe in the power of pairs.
By that I mean that I think that many of us were built such that we are better when not alone. Maybe not everyone, but I know I am my best when I’m not just me.
I think we all live this life colliding with people. We see what fits, we learn what it feels like when it does, and we spend the rest of the time trying to burn away memories of when it doesn’t…
(I know that my past will not spoil me [who I am] for her [why I am], but I worry that where I have been will manifest itself as undue burden for us [what we are]).
…I don’t know that I believe that of all of the people that I crash into, that there will be a perfect fit. Further, I don’t know if I want that relationship. I think there is a beauty in the work and compromise that we make when we want to fit with someone bad enough. I think that’s what makes relationships fantastic. Those moments when you look at someone and you realize what they may have given up for you, that you are worth that to them, that they love you and don’t hold against you the places you don’t fit. That you evaluate all of the reasons they were worth whatever you gave up, and not who gave up more, because it’s not a competition.
Answer to your question: I don’t know, but I believe in people that are worth working for. I believe in people that can make you happier than you know how to be. I believe in people worth dying for. I believe in people worth changing, moving, living, loving, melting for.
I believe that love is what happens when someone inspires our soul to grow… to expand enough to wrap them up, and keep them safe.
What do you believe?